Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 7 - 13, 2002
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PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Computers Reconstruct King Tut
Reveals boy king of Egypt was history's most powerful ventriloquist's dummy.
 
SPORTS
Parity Achieved in Pro Football
Every NFL team is mediocre.
Baseball: Spitting Down in '02
But scratching was up.
Barry Bonds's 73rd Home Run Ball Worth Millions, Say Experts
Meanwhile, his 72nd home run ball is on public assistance.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
UN Report Criticizes Great Britain Over Corporal Punishment
Victorian practice of spanking should be "limited to kinky gentlemen's clubs," it says.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S QUIZ
  B) to control the world's oil reserves and test a variety of new weapons.
 
THE ARTS
"Puppetry of the Penis" to Appear on NBC’s "Tonight Show"
Australian genital origami troupe will also show up on "Today," "Live With Regis and Kelly," and "The Genital Origami Gang" on CNN.
THE AFTERLIFE
by Earl Wilson
Things are really hopping up here, or should I say hip-hopping, what with recent arrivals Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls "making the scene." I'm not exactly hip to hip-hop. The only Hoppy I know is Bill "Hopalong Cassidy" Boyd, spotted recently at a Limbo watering hole matching swigs of formaldehyde with old pals John Wayne, Gabby Hayes, Larry "Buster" Crabbe and a positutely incoherent Lord Byron. Whaddee say?
The BW, looking swell despite the lack of flesh and bone, dragged me down to Hell for a little gambling over the weekend. Poisonally, I like Hell for the entertainment, so I parked myself in the front row at the recently destroyed Sands and took in three straight nights of the Dead Rat Pack. Sammy, Dean, Frank, and even that stiff Peter Lawford put on quite a show. But they miss Joey Bishop. And when I say they killed the audience...
That's Oyl, brother.

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