Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUG 26 - SEPT 1, 2002
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LEISURE
Americans Relax in Different Ways
Some worry about jobs, others about weight.
 
SPORTS
Baseball Talks Down to Last Metaphor
Negotiations in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and the bases empty.
Baseball Fans Flocking to Cricket
Fast-paced British game has made a lot of American converts.
 
ART
Elvis Portrait Made From Toast Sold for $3 Million
Highest price ever paid for toast.
New York’s Whitney Museum Receives Huge Gift of Abstract Art
Largest donation ever of "paintings that look nothing like their subjects," says curator.
FASHION
1. Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe ("An oversized bowling ball in Sans-a-Belts.")
2. Hugo Chavez, Venezuela ("His couturier should face a firing squad.")
3. Saddam Hussein, Iraq ("It's time for a wardrobe change.")
4. King Fahd, Saudi Arabia ("I'm convinced he's really Peter Ustinov in a sack dress.")
5. Fidel Castro, Cuba ("The Smith Brothers dressed with more flair.")
6. George W. Bush, United States ("Preppy at the rodeo, he wears a Western belt buckle inside the beltway, and argyle socks under his boots - grounds for a fashion recount.")
7. Queen Beatrix, Netherlands ("Someone should whisper in her ear to lose the chandelier earrings.")
8. Vicente Fox, Mexico ("I hope my undertaker is more colorful.")
9. Jacques Chirac, France ("If the maitre d' look ever comes back, he'll shine.")
10. Hamid Karzai, Afghanistan ("A simple white silk tie would do wonders. Right now he looks like Ben Gazzara in a cape.")

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