| THE ECONOMY |
 |
Disney Announces
More Layoffs
“Only
seven,” explains a
Disney spokesperson. |
|
 |
|
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Network Cookie-Cutter
Stolen; Panic Sets In
“Where are the new shows going to
come from?” wonders a distraught
programmer. |
|
Overall TV Ratings Continue
To Drop, Mysteriously
Analysts puzzled by audience's
reluctance to watch unscripted programs
pitting publicity-seeking half-wits
against self-promoting dimwits in a
battle of wits. |
|
Hollywood Turning Away From
Gratuitous Violence
Turning instead towards gratuitous sex. |
|
 ABC Changes
Title of “The Bin
Laden Bunch”
Sitcom about huge Saudi
family will debut as
“52 Is Enough.” |
|
|
| BUSINESS |
|
Poll: Most People Putting Their
Money in Mattresses
Some are investing, but mainly in
companies that make mattresses. |
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Hair Dye Use Linked to
Arthritis
Beverly Hills applies for disaster
relief. |
| |
THE
WAR
Profiles
of Our New Allies: Pakistan
Type of Government:
Military Dictatorship
Leader: General Pervez
Musharraf
Date Elected: N/A
Principal import:
refugees
Principal export:
refugees
National pastime:
fighting with India
Secret ambition: to nuke
India
Political stability
(scale of 1 to 10): 2
(a/o this morning)
|
|
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