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Ironic Times

NO. 53 "Expect the Ironic" SEPTEMBER 17 - 23, 2001

Sept 10
Sept 24
JACK IN EUROPE - MEETS WITH POPE
In Europe on another ten day “fact-finding” trip, fast food magnate Jack (r.) confers with Pope at Vatican.
WORLD NEWS
G-8 Summit Considered a Success
Food good, wine superb, cigars first-rate.
Pickpockets, Purse-Snatchers on
Strike in France
Demanding paid vacations, health benefits.
Russians Claim to Have
Simulated Human Brain

New computer will be used for testing vodka.
  MISS WORLD CONTESTANTS MEET ON GLOBAL WARMING
Agree to limit use of ozone-depleting hydrochlorofluorocarbons.
Japanese Women Postponing Marriage
Researchers not sure why simultaneous
enslavement to husband, children, parents, aging in-laws losing its appeal.
Remaining Amazon Rainforest to Be Made Into Theme Park
RainForestLand will educate visitors about ecosystem, provide local jobs.
China Closes Tibet for "Repairs"
Will re-open in 2005.
 
SPACE
THREE TENORS
TO FLY ON SHUTTLE

Mission will study effects of weightlessness on the ego.
U. S. NEWS
Rebates Headed for U.S. Taxpayers
Not only to super rich, but also to very rich, quite rich, and simply rich.
Dept. of Education Missing
$450 Million

“Dog ate it,” says spokesperson.
BILL CLINTON BIG WINNER
Shows off his $10,000,000 check from Publishers Clearing House.
CIA Admits Transmitting “Voices” to Paranoid Schizophrenics
Agency director apologizes, says practice will stop.
 
POLITICS
SCHWARZENEGGER MAY RUN FOR CALIFORNIA STATEHOUSE
Believes he can beat “girly man” Gov. Gray Davis.
 
BUSINESS
Cosmopolitan, Redbook Go Out of Business; No More Sex Secrets Left
Last 3 techniques which drive men wild revealed in latest issues.
Customers Using Other Banks' ATM's Hit with Rising Surcharges
Also, mild electric shocks.
Starbucks Stock Plunges After Announcing Switch to Tea
Move is “ill-advised,” most analysts say.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
  Crop Circles Definitely the
Work of Pranksters
However, authorities not sure what planet they're from.
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