Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - AUGUST 20 - 26, 2001
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ART
Idyllic Norman Rockwell Painting Sold
Purchased by the Cali drug cartel.
MISCELLANEOUS
Winnie the Pooh Says Mickey Mouse Owes Him $35 Million
"He can kiss my rat's ass," says Mickey.
Major Identity Theft Reported
Everyone with the name Kevin is missing.
 
TRAVEL
Vodka Museum Opens in Russia
Indoor-outdoor facility includes entire country.
Zeppelin in First Commercial Flight Since Hindenburg
Long absence blamed on “bad press.”
 
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“I’m ba-a-a-ack.”
- Al Gore
The Afterlife
by Earl Wilson
Don't know about you, but everything up here's categorized: dead torch singers one place, dead ventriloquists another. Stuck in the novelty act sector recently, the BW and I chanced upon the eternally funny "Doodles" Weaver. Says he's as busy now as when he was alive, and it figures.

Speaking of dead ventriloquists, recent arrival Señor Wences (“What took you so long?” joked Mortimer Snerd, helped more than a little by lip mover and old pal Edgar Bergen) made an immediate hit with the ladies. “We got a live one!” wheezed ZaSu Pitts, already dating the barely-cold Howdy Doody Svengali "Buffalo" Bob Smith.
Noshing on the memory of a pastrami sandwich at the Limboteria: "Fat" Jack E. Leonard. That's Oyl, brother.

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