| |
NEXT SHUTTLE CREW
ANNOUNCED BY NASA
One male, seven female astronauts will
carry out privately-funded mission. |
 |
| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Cheney: “Don't
Confuse
Stupidity With Weakness”
Warns potential foes not to take the
President “too lightly.” |
|
Russians Claim to Have
Simulated Human Brain
New computer will be used for testing
vodka. |
| |
| ODDS AND ENDS |
 Presidential
Son-In-Law?
Harrison A.
Peddiford III, 20, a History
major at Yale, has made it known
around campus that he would
someday like to marry President
Bush's daughter, Barbara, a
fellow student. No comment
yet from the “bride-to-be.” |
|
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
Missile Shield Will Protect
U.S.
Against Rogue Nations
Also scamp, scoundrel, rapscallion nations. |
|
Supreme Court Takes Up
Medical Marijuana Debate
Scalia gets sidetracked on issue of how
huge Rehnquist's hands are. |
|
California Gets Tough on
Energy
Will retaliate for high prices by cutting
off supply of celebrities to rest of
nation. |
|
U.S. Kids Ace TV
Comprehension Test
4th graders viewing at 10th grade level,
European, Asian children far behind.
|
| |
| LAW |
|
Supreme Court Allows Police
to Stop and Clobber Citizens at Random
Provided officer has “reasonable
certainty” that it will be fun. |
| |
| HEALTH/MEDICINE |
|
Evidence Mounts That Steady
Drinking Benefits Heart Patients
Findings are now totally, utterly
unfuckingdeniable. |
|
First Babies With Genes From
Three Parents Born
DNA from daddy, mommy, mommy's yoga
instructor.
|
|
